I read this today. It’s part of an article by Karen Salmansohn and its meaningful for me at the moment. Very hard for me to stop the self-talk that I am an idiot, because we want to believe we’ve done something to attract awful stuff. Some people just take advantage of others and some are not good at cutting these toxic people free.
3. “I’m an idiot for being suckered!” When I re-read this permanent/pervasive thought, I realized I was displaying the classic case of “blaming the victim.” (Not that I enjoyed using the word “victim.” In fact, I’ll be writing more about the word “victim” at the bottom of this essay!) Basically, calling myself “an idiot” is showing anger and shame at myself – rather than focusing the anger and shame where it more rightfully belongs – on my betrayer! I decided I needed to re-write my word choice from “I am an idiot” to “I am a wronged person.” And the reason I was wronged did not truly have to do with intelligence. I simply didn’t see the betrayal coming, because I never would have done such a thing. I have an awake and active good heart. I value loyalty, strong character and sticking to commitments. Not just for legal reasons – but moral reasons. I remembered a quote I’d heard: “Fools take a knife and stab people in the back. The wise take a knife, cut the cord and free themselves from the fools. “ I decided that since I very much value the trait of being a non-idiot – that I should do this wise choice – cut the emotional cord – and set myself free as a butterfly leaving a cocoon! The best way to cut the cord? Forgiveness. Yes, even if the betrayer was not sorry, forgiveness was still necessary. How could I forgive? I needed to keep reminding myself: Forgiveness doesn’t excuse my betrayer’s behaviour. Forgiveness simply stops her behaviour from destroying my heart! Plus it helped to keep in mind a great Wayne Dyer quote: “How people treat you is their karma. How you react is yours.”
Not sure about the karma bit as I’ve never witnessed nor experienced this “karma’ everyone keeps talking about. To me it’s just a way of believing that there truly is an even justice in this world. There isn’t. Some are lucky, some aren’t. Some are evil and get away with stuff …….